Who has the time to watch the Grammy Awards? Not me. A three hour plus broadcast that glamorizes and celebrates those who are more fortunate than me is not how I should be spending my time when I have a senior paper breathing down my neck that is threatening to derail my hopes of leaving the accursed place people call high school. However, since I was assigned to write a Grammy review, out of morbid curiosity I tuned in to the first hour of the three hundred hour broadcast. #journalism

Immediately after switching on the channel I saw people with strange helmets on their heads accepting an award. I was mortified to learn that Daft Punk had won Record of the Year for “Get Lucky.” I wondered for a second if CBS was now airing the MTV music awards. Daft Punk is now considered musical excellence? Maybe my age is showing. I wrote down in my notes and I quote, “WTF is on Daft Punk’s heads???” Now that that oddity was over with, the next thing I saw was Taylor Swift singing at a piano. I was rather put off by the fact that she never smiled; even when the song was over and everyone was applauding. She just stared like “That’s right, applaud me you peasants.”

Next, Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O’Connor (you get bonus points if you know who this is) herself won the award for Best Pop Solo Performance. Speaking skills people, speaking skills! After this I tuned out the rest of the night. But not before I saw Pink getting whirled around the stage by one of her male entourage.

The reason I don’t think award shows are worth watching is because if anything notable happens it’s always readily available to view the next day on sites such as YouTube (or in this age of gifs, merely seconds later) and it saves you the slog of muddling through all the boring sections. Also, when you have stuff to do such as school work, do you really have time to devote three hours of your life to watch people who don’t care about you dress up to win glamorous awards? It’s very much like the one percent is patting themselves on the back. Yay look at me! I win awards and look amazing doing so!

Another thing I hate about the Grammys is the fact that the criteria for winning doesn’t really matter. To the average viewer no one knows how the winner is determined. Kendrick Lamar going home empty handed was the biggest crime of the night considering he had one of the best albums of the decade. While I also like Macklemore, him posting his text to Kendrick Lamar was one of the most self-serving things I’ve ever seen from anybody. Although, Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar stole the show with their performance. One teacher showed it to us the following day in class. See, another example of anything noteworthy that happens at the Grammys you will be able to see it after the fact.

I also had the pleasure of witnessing the gif of Taylor Swift thinking she won Album of the

Year. That gif is everything. Instead, Daft Punk won again. Yay for predictability.

Jason Wisenbaker
Copy Editor